Step-Parenting

I think the hardest job on Earth is step-parenting. 

This is not exactly breaking news.  The authors of Snow White and Cinderella knew it centuries ago. 

Part of the difficulty of step-parenting lies in the vagueness of the job description.  Are you supposed to be a parent?  Or just a friend?  An adult friend?  (What is an adult friend, exactly?)  Should you try to be a pal, like a popularity contest?  Or more like a teacher?  How much--if any--authority do you have?  

I love my step-daughters and we get along well.  But, nine years ago we adopted two eight-year-old girls from an orphanage in Russia.  They were from the opposite side of the planet from us.  If you get a globe and put one finger on their hometown and one on mine, you can suspend the globe in the air.

They spoke no English and had experienced massive loss, BUT--parenting them has been a stroll through a flower garden in May compared to parenting step-children.

Why should this be true?

Most relationships go like this:  Boy meets Girl

Let's call them, "Tom" and, "Sylvia"...

What's important in this relationship dynamic?  

It's how Tom feels about Sylvia...

And how Sylvia feels about Tom.

This is love in it's simplest, easiest form

Relationships are tough, though.  Think how many fail.  All relationships face daunting odds.

But, if both Tom and Sylvia have children...

The relationship dynamic looks more like this:

How Susie feels about Kate

And how Anna feels about Tom.

How Anna feels about Kate and how Kate feels about Tom...

How Tom feels about Anna and how Anna feels about Susie and how Susie feels about Sylvia and how Kate feels about Erin and how Susie feels about Anna and how Erin feels about Susie and how Kate feels about Tom and how Erin feels about Anna and how Sylvia feels about Kate and how Erin feels about Anna...

All these arrows lead to stress...

Mayhem ensues...

It's tough being a step-parent.

(I didn't draw the arrows that go out to Tom's and Sylvia's parents, brothers, sisters, cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends or the children's other parents.  I wanted to, but Google doesn't allow that large of a post in one blog)