Online Dating is fraught with problems. One of the biggest problems is how important myth is to humans. Everyone wants a "How I Met Your Mother" story.
The mythic story goes something like this: "I was driving to my flower-arranging class and I almost hit your mom as she was walking her ferret in the crosswalk!"
The myth never goes, "Well, we met online because it seemed we weren't getting anywhere in our relationships and we were beginning to get scared about being old and alone."
Or, we could change the myth. Online dating is a great way to meet a large number of reasonably screened individuals. But you have to be good at reading between the lines.
SINGLE WHITE CHRISTIAN MALE, 28, seeks single white Christian female, 18-24 to give birth to numerous children at home and homeschool them, degree from accredited university in medicine or education unimportant. Must be willing to spend considerable time on her knees worshipping assigned male god. Mandatory cheerful church attendance on Wednesday evening, Sunday morning and Sunday evening; all said children must attend and be fed/dressed/prepared by aforementioned female. Hallelujah!! Female must know her place in regards to the male species--i.e., subordinate. Must wear long skirts to hide the sinful "V" between her legs and baggy shirts that do not cling to her Jezebel-like bosom and tempt men. Ability to knit and sew a plus. Unquestioning obedience and ability to overlook flagrant contradictions a must. In Jesus's name, amen. No astrophysicists.
SINGLE WHITE MALE, 18, seeks female 17-22 to have texting races and compare acronyms (BFF LOL IDK) and see how often we can use the word, "awesome" in a 3-minute conversation. Blonde a plus. 
SINGLE WHITE MALE, 45, carnivorous, loves to stalk, gouge, strangle, bludgeon, dismember and disembowel small, furry creatures with large doe-eyes. Owns both long arms, short arms (foreign and domestic) and one illegally sawed-off shotgun. Well-travelled, flies overseas tri-annually to murder helpless animals from helicopters with my AK-47. House is devoted to showcasing the wide variety of my weapons. My garage has stretched and drying carcasses hanging from the rafters. Seeks single white liberal female from Portland, Oregon to discuss political issues, live on the beach and sing, "Kumbaya" around a fire. 
SINGLE WHITE MALE, 24, thirteen nipple rings, seven nose rings, six ear plugs, five eyebrow rings and twenty-two neck bars. Lots of outrageous, colorful tattoos of skulls, knives, guns, rock bands, snakes and large-breasted women in provocative postures. I have a tattoo on my penis that says, "Here Kitty Kitty". Seeks anorexic white female, 11-13 for fun times peeing on each other, dressing up as elves and sheep, wrestling in pistachio pudding and hanging naked on a cross while the other person self-flagellates. NO FREAKS
SINGLE WHITE MALE, 39, massively obese, wheelchair bound, multiple oozing venous stasis ulcers, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, obstructive sleep apnea and chronic renal insufficiency. I enjoy doughnuts, cheesecake, fried chicken, chocolate chip cookies, pizza, mashed potatoes, biscuits and gravy and TV shows. I like French culture, like eating croissants and brie and putting my cigarettes into one of those long holder things and waving it around dramatically. Last year I studied Italian, including lasagna, manicotti, linguine, farfelle, mostaccioli, fettuccine and cigars. Seeks single white female to stare with slack features at the television while masticating chips and brownies, hold up my pannus(es), complain about the incompetency and insensitivity of our home-health nurses and run fellow shoppers down with our electric wheelchairs. No cross-country runners.
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