I've seen men in Kansas driving, "Mountaineers" (are there mountains in Kansas?) and men in New York City driving 4 wheel drive trucks with tow packages (are they hauling hay through Manhattan after they time out on Wall Street?).
Then, I discovered that the most consistent predictor of the vehicle a man will own is what his penis looks like. Really! Show me a man's penis, and I can tell you with 98.372% accuracy what he drives.
If your penis looks like this:
Your vehicle looks like this:
If your penis looks like this:
Your vehicle looks like this:
If your penis looks like this:
Your vehicle looks like this:
If your penis looks like this:
Your vehicle looks like this:
If your penis looks like this:
Your vehicle looks like this:
If your penis looks like this:
Your vehicle looks like this:
And, if your penis looks like this:
Your vehicle looks like this:
Another triumph of science!!
Hey, uhh, God here. You know, Yahweh, Holy Redeemer, Great Counselor... anyway... I know we haven't talked much lately...Christ knows it's not for a lack of effort on my part, haha.
ReplyDeleteThat gorgeous harvest moon sunset you admired a few nights ago? Yeah, that was me. And the dog that magically came into your life a few months ago... yeah, me again. You're welcome.
Look, I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life or anything, but would it fucking kill you to put on a skirt a couple times a month and come on out to a service... you know, sing me a song or two, throw a little coin in the plate... you know, give Caesar his and give me my 10%... I mean Jesus H., all that shit I wrote still applies today you know?
Anyway, just wanted to drop a quick line... love you unconditionally, know every hair on your head and all that stuff,
God.
I have the author's husband and I would just like it to be known that she has all this knowledge about various penis sizes because she is NURSE. I presume.
ReplyDeleteLove it!
ReplyDeleteAnd when did my father become such a pompous ass?! Back of a little, man!
--Jesus H.